by David Leonhardt

Why Does God Care About Hotel Rooms?

What worries me most about hotels is what they keep in the drawers. Did you ever notice there is always a bible in the drawer? Why?

When you buy a car, there is no bible in the glove compartment, although the road is where you need prayers the most.

When you excavate the Cracker Jack prize, it's never a bible.

Even in hospitals, where a prayer might be all you can hope for these days, there is no bible in the drawer.

Only in hotels and on death row do bibles come as standard equipment. (Not even in churches!)

And why just the Bible? I have had plenty of spare time to search for Torahs and Korans in hotel rooms, and I have yet to find one. Do Jews and Muslims not stay in hotels? What do they know that I don't?

Fortunately, I don't have to stay in hotels anymore. I don't have to endure shadow-puppet shows from the guy on the other side of the wall. I don't have to keep from reading over his shoulder. I don't have worry about what he ate for dinner.

And I don't have to listen to his snoring. I can enjoy my own nightmares in peace.

Have you ever noticed how much our world runs on statistics? That's because statistics never lie, of course. So I am here to offer help with statistics – to sort out all those conflicting truths. Here are a few very alarming statistics.

Almost half of the world's population earns a below-average income.

These demographics totally shocked me. I was under the impression that almost half of the world's population earns an above-average income. But then I discovered it is the reverse. I needed help with statistics, so I phoned my Uncle "Stats" Gyula.

"Almost half the world's population earns a below-average income."

Uncle Gyula was dumbfounded, "So?"

"Well, I want to make sure that nobody has a below-average income."

At a loss for words, my Uncle advised, "It won't happen until everybody has an above-average IQ." That made sense. "Right now," Uncle Gyula continued, "Almost half the world has a below-average IQ, and statistics never lie." I was floored. I did not realize we had such an IQ scarcity on our hands. But I was sure it is in some way related to another shocking statistic: